MetsFail

A little while ago, this site announced a contest in which an autographed ball will be given away to a loyal follower of MetsFAIL on Twitter (see @MetsFAIL) once they had reached the 250-follower level. Following a tried and true technique to promote readership, MetsFAIL is approaching their goal and no doubt will be there soon.

The ball is a nice prize. Something you’ll want to hold up to the light and look at. You’ll find a nice place on a shelf or table and keep the ball there for all to see. You’ll even have some fond memories of the signer of the ball if you were born any time after 1962, but probably before 2008 (here I’m trusting those Baby can read adds really work).

So what’s the problem? Why am I here kvetching about a nice ball give away?

This is MetsFAIL. The emphasis is on the second syllable here, FAIL. Where is the FAIL on giving away a ball you would probably actually want to own?

If you and I think real hard, there are probably a dozen or more prizes that would have been far more appropriate.

Lets see, thinking contemporary; Daniel Murphy’s Leftfielder’s glove comes to mind. Feeling nostalgic for the ‘70’s (still combing what’s left of your big hair in that ‘70’s style bubala?) then you’ll probably vote for the Richie Hebner batting glove collection, you know the ones with the middle finger frozen in the upright and locked position.

Looking back on the Duquette era, you guys are probably craving a Scott Kazmir MP3 player loaded with illegal Napster tunes.

For the 500,000 or so of you on the California Medical Marijuana program, you’d probably really like a Grant Roberts-Tony Tarasco bong for your, uh, therapy sessions.

Need a little early ‘80’s FAIL juice? How about we set you up with an official George Foster sideburn comb?

Waxing nostalgic for a managerial memento? How about a Willie Randolph incorrect double switch line-up card? Or a Jeff Torborg Mets team jacket with the arms permanently folded across the chest? Art Howe game used wad of double bubble anyone?

You really like that team from 2000 and are yearning for a Ricky Henderson deck of cards, extra aces included ‘cause Ricky likes it when Ricky wins.

Probably my favorite from the ‘90’s era would be the game used Bobby Bonilla earplugs. You missed so many cheers from your adoring fans Bobby! (not)

These are just a few examples, I’m sure you have a few favorites to add. After this site gives away the nice ball to one of you, maybe they’ll have another contest and do the right wrong thing.

Jo-se’s okay-okay-okay! Jo-se’s, o-kay!  Right?  Right??  Recap:
-   Thursday, March 4: Joey Kings is conspicuously absent from the lineup when the Mets are set to start their third game of the exhibition schedule.  The team later reveals he just needs to see the doc for a routine follow-up to his physical.  Mets Nation collectively clears its throat, squirms in its chair.
-   Friday, March 5: Reyes is scratched again from the lineup, this time even closer to gametime.  He was even out on the field doing his pre-game stretches.  A bead of sweat forms on Mets Nation’s temple, hand wringing ensues.  A short while later, Omar and Jose address the media to reveal that a potential thyroid imbalance was found as a result of Reyes’ tests.  Kicker one:  the Florida doctors who detected the condition cleared Reyes to play that day; the New York doctors, however, suggested that he be shut down immediately and flown to New York to undergo further testing immediately.   Po-tay-toes, po-tah-toes.  Kicker two:  ‘Immediately’ apparently meant 2 1/2 days later.
-   Weekend of Friday, March 5 to Sunday, March 7:  Google servers melt at the overload of searches done on ‘thyroid imbalance.’  WebMD again validates why people trust a webpage more than a live, human doctor.  Internet and talk radio gets to work doing what it does best, declaring that Jose’s thyroid issue is obviously a side effect of the HGH Dr. Galea pumped into him last summer.  Jose was spotted in camp growing a third leg.  Funeral arangements are being made.  The dust settles to reveal that most thyroid issues are common, treatable, and easily manageable.
-   Monday, March 8:  The two days of cramming the team doctors were given in preparation for Reyes’ tests are over.  Mets Nation holds its breath.
-   Tuesday, March 9:  Mets Nation exhales, unable to not breathe without risking permanent brain damage.  The test results are received and the Mets issue a statement saying that Jose has hyperthyroidism.  More tests are needed to determine his treatment.

Great success!  The Mets seemingly handled a medical issue pertaining to a key player in a timely, open fashion.  Bloggers, radio show callers, even your grandmother continue to insist that thyroid issues are no big deal.  Opening Day is still 3+ weeks away, plenty of time for Reyes to make up for lost time.  Hey, maybe a few days off will save his legs down the stretch.

But wait, there’s more!  Our main man Jose Reyes spoke to ESPN Deportes shortly after the Mets released their statement, essentially refuting what the team released.  Just a little inflammation in the gullet, Jose says.  No medicine, no stinkin’ thyroid problem is what the doctors told him.

Cue the scratching record.  Something obviously doesn’t add up.  Was the initial blood test botched?  Is there some sort of cover-up?  How on earth does the team issue a statement verifying that Jose’s got a thyroid issue just to have Reyes say the exact opposite?  This story will need some time to develop, but we can’t wait for the eventual “statement clarification” and the fallout from Kneegate II, or Thyroidapalooza.

A recent report from the Miami Herald revealed that beloved Mets 2B Luis Castillo spent much of this past winter tutoring fellow Dominican Emilio Bonifacio of the Florida Marlins.  Bonifacio, Final Fantasy Baseball geeks fans might remember, shot out of the gate last April as a fantasy darling as the Fish’s speedy leadoff hitter and third baseman.  He fell back to earth before the the month was through and eventually settled into a utility role.  Bonifacio sought out Castillo’s tutelage on all things small ball in order to increase his appeal as a super-sub for the team.

Forgive me, Omar, for I have sinned

At first blush we thought this would make for standard MetsFAIL material – the word traitor came to mind.  Maybe Castillo resented the constant trade rumors over the winter and decided to focus his time and energy helping a divisional rival.  But when you give it some thought, you realize that these tutoring sessions weren’t exactly the baseball equivalent of Socrates schooling Plato.  Hanley Ramirez picking Albert Pujols’ brain on hitting in the 3-hole?  That’s a conversation you imagine to be fruitful.  But Castillo talking speed?  The word sabotage seems more appropriate.

Hopefully, these offseason sessions do make Bonifacio more like Castillo.  If Bonifacio comes into the season ready to slap singles, nonchalantly lob balls flat-footed to first base, and lay down bunts when it doesn’t make sense to, then hey, by all means let school remain in session.  Castillo might provide more value to the Mets than we think after all.