MetsFail

MetsFAIL would like to announce the winner in our Ex-Met Signed Baseball 250 Twitter Followers Super Incredible Giveaway Contest!  This is also a way for us to finally post something again on this damn blog.  Sucks being busy all the time.  Much easier to write in 140 character bursts.  But I digress, like I always do.

Without further ado, the winner is…..

Ok, sorry, but there is a further ado.

I must just say that we used independent, non-partisan, couldn’t give a crap about MetsFAIL, Twitter, the Mets, or especially Paul Lo Duca (the signee of previously mentioned ball), coworkers to tell us who they felt deserved the ball based on the tweets made to @MetsFAIL.  I recused myself from making the decision since I am the one who does most of the tweeting under the MetsFAIL name and have come to know and like many of you (as much as you can get to know people through the Twitterverse) and didn’t want to have to choose.  Call it a cop out of you like, I

The winner was chosen due to her persuasive tweet “you already know I want it. Love Pauly. End of story.”   This was very blunt and to the point, even though the judges had no clue whether this statement was indeed true since I didn’t discuss anything with them before showing them todays tweets.  This was then followed by a fellow tweep sending “I can feel the passion or a threat either way make her a winner!” and another one stating “I deserve the ball, Period.”  Unfortunately for this last tweep, he was declared ineligible after it was determined that he had previously contributed content to both MetsFAIL.com and our sister site OhMurph.com, so he then declared “so, in essense, you agree that I clearly deserve the ball but via a technicality am ineligible. I then agree to give the ball to..” the person who then announced HERSELF the winner “I win! I win! ”.  It was this proclamation that won the judges over, especially when the previously disqualified tweep followed up with his “Congratulations!!!!!”.  The judges, in seeing this, decided that this was good enough for them, especially since our manager came over and they all got in trouble for being on Twitter at work (they just can’t hide it like I can). So NOWWWWW, without further ado, the winner is (insert drumroll here)….

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@kdoster !!!!

Please email your address to  MetsFAIL@gmail.com so we can have the ball sent to you.  Congrats!!

When we started MetsFail as a sister site to OhMurph, we knew there was no space for another run-of-the-mill Mets blog.  There are only so many times and places you can read the same reports being rehashed about Ike Davis being sent down, how bad Oliver Perez pitched today, or why Omar should be fired.  We have nothing against these other blogs, mind you, many of them are very well written and we visit them ourselves.  There was just no point joining that crowd, so we decided to take a different tact.  As die-hard Mets fans who happened to be completely frustrated with the way the past few seasons have gone both on and off the field, we felt our blog should be a place to vent these frustrations in both an interesting and hopefully humorous way.  The fact that we don’t want to be MetsBlog II or MetsMerized Jr (two of the blogs we enjoy reading, for the record), however,  has actually made it difficult to write at times, especially before the regular season has started.  This is just one reason why I (one of the MetsFail contributors, and main twitterer for @MetsFAIL) have found it much easier to spend much less time writing in 140 character posts on Twitter instead.

The purpose of this post is not to make excuses for not having enough content on our blog.  In fact, even this post won’t add to our Mets related material.  What I want to do here is just vent. But I won’t be venting about the Mets, or even baseball for that matter, so feel free to stop reading now if that’s the only reason you came to our site today (please come back though!  We love you!  gush, gush).  There are just so many things in this world that annoy me that I needed to share one of them with the 10-12 of you that will read this (hence the title of this posting “Out of Left Field”.  Get it?)

Where do I start?  In honor of the crappy weather we have been having the past two days, how about umbrellas.  I hate umbrellas.  I understand their usefulness (at times) of course, but could there be anything more annoying to have to deal with while walking the crowded New York  streets?  The sheer quantity of these things alone clog up the sidewalks of NYC during any given rain or snow storm, making walking nearly impossible at times.  Traversing the NYC streets is difficult enough without having to dodge and weave these things, trying to avoid geting poked in the eye or a face full of wet nylon.  One drop of precipitation outside and 100 umbrellas will spring up within a 50 square foot radius of wherever you are standing at the time.  Hell, just the fact that it rained 2 hours ago is an excuse for some people to walk with one.  Check to see if its actually raining before opening the umbrella up, ok?  If no one else is walking with one, it’s a pretty good sign you don’t need yours as well, dumb ass.  And in those rare instances that I do use an umbrella, why do I have to be the one that moves mine out of the way when another one approaches.  Why do i raise it up or down, left or right, to avoid collision and you don’t?  Am I a nice guy, or just stupid?

But the number of umbrellas being used isn’t my biggest pet peeve.  It’s the ridiculously large size of the umbrellas some people feel the need to walk with.   Dude in the Armani suit, I am talking to you.   I am happy for you that you went to watch the U.S. Open, but you do not need to carry  the umbrella you stole from the table at the 19th hole bar at Pebble Beach with you when walking the streets of NYC.  I know you aren’t doing it to keep your fellow commuters dry, because you care about no one but yourself (unless you count your $600 hairdo and $800 alligator skin shoes as separate entities, then you are carrying it for three of you).  An umbrella that takes up the width of the sidewalk is just too fucking big, plain and simple.  Keep that on the deck of your 5 bedroom, $3,000,000 house in the suburbs where it belongs and buy one of the $5 cheap-ass barely-cover-your-head umbrellas that are sold on every street corner of the city (you know the guys: “Umbruh-la, umbruh-la, umbruh-la. 5 dollars.  Umbruh-la”) if you are that afraid of getting wet.  Just make sure no one farts around you cuz one small puff of wind and those things turn inside out.  Just a friendly warning, douchebag.

Bottom line people, it’s just water.  If it’s a light rain or snow shower, suck it up and get a little wet.  You won’t melt, I promise you.

This is Schnizzle, and this post has most definitely not been brought to you by the people at totes. Stay dry,  my readers.

So I get an email from the people over at Mets.com enthusiastically recommending that I go see the Mets play the Phillies.  In Philadelphia.  Behold:

"Come for the embarrasment; stay for the shanking by a toothless Pennsylvanian"

I understand that the parties involved (the Mets and Phils) likely agreed to do some sort of cross-promotion to take advantage of this historic, generational 3 1/2 year rivalry, although I can’t confirm if the Phils sent out a similar promo imploring fans to head to Citi this year.  I also understand that this type of promo can be construed to seem like the Mets are encourging fans to travel to away games an increase their road presence for the benefit of the team.  Besides, Citizens Bank Park is a pretty nice place to catch a game.

But in the end, the Phils and their fans stand to benefit from this, and I don’t even mean monetarily (which they surely would, what with the concessions and parking and what have you).  The Phils have understandably been selling out most games over the last couple of years thanks to a post-9/07 case of RedSoxFan-itis, and it’s doubtful the Mets fans in attendance will do that much for the team.  Visiting fans will simply be submitting themselves to inbred mongoloids who knew nothing of their Phightin’ Phils before a couple of years ago, and who won’t be insulted if you point out the 1988 hairdos and inexplicable hardon they get at the mere mention of a local fictional boxing character.  And, let’s face it, there’s a good chance the game you’re gonna go see is gonna be a losing one. 

I’m giving this whole endeavour a MetsFAIL Projection Factor (MFPF) of 89%.